Monday, February 1, 2010
Good question
A train friend was musing and thinking out loud. He asked me a question for which I have no better answer than to say that I have observed the same thing. This is the question: why is it that if a relationship starts to sour, it is precisely the personality traits that attracted the two people to each other that make them want to beat their heads on the wall and plead, "Stop!!" This guy's current significant other was charmingly outgoing, smart, chatty, inquisitive, always in motion (his words) but now he reluctantly describes her as pushy, bossy, noisy, nosey and never calms down. It's an intriguing and interesting point partly from seeing opposite nuances of adjectives and partly from the personality and relationship points of view.
Maybe it's just that opposites attract but are difficult to live with.
ReplyDeleteOnce the realization is accepted that even between the closest human beings infinite distances continue, a wonderful living side by side can grow, if they succeed in loving the distance between them which makes it possible for each to see the other whole against the sky. -- Rilke
ReplyDeleteI always like the story of Robert Parker and his wife who, when they realized that the differences between them were risking their marriage, decided to live in two separate parts of a big house and not interfere with each other's differences. They were married nearly fifty years, in the end and, they both said, as a result.
ReplyDeleteAs for "infinite distances" between people, I'm not sure space or respect for differences is what concerns and saddens my friend. He's moved from being attracted by her traits to feeling distaste and dislike for them so "loving the distance" may not be relevant or possible since he's thoroughly irritated by almost everything about her - at the moment, anyway. Time will tell.